I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
