i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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