if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
