So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
