Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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