Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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