I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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