Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
