could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
