She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
