You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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