I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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