I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
