worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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