I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize