I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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