she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we should paint friendship bongs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
