This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
