were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
high people should be assigned attendants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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