she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
