my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
