i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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