I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
