she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
