she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
