We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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