Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
