Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
