Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
