Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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