The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
