hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
