I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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