i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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