My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
