Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
