Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
