Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
