The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
