Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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