well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
