im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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