You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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