That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
