just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
