You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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