This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
