The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
