I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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