Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize