I'm lost and stupid without you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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