eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
