Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
