There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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