Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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