Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
