They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
