I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
