Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
