so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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