Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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