she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
