He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
its liver damage thursday
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
