I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Too much gin, very little bucket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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