It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
