He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize