I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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